I was sitting close to the front row as my husband was singing at another concert when I heard it. It was the first few notes of one of his most popular songs. As it started to play I braced myself for what I knew was coming next. This was the third show I had been to and the stage presentation is almost identical at each one. The band continued to play the opening chord progression and my husband began to share about the inspiration for his next song. He began to talk about a recent dark time in his life that included some struggles we experienced in our marriage.
I kept my gaze looking straight ahead but I was certain I could see people turing to look at me out of the corner of my eye. I clasped my hands together on my lap and began nervously bending my fingers. I was fidgeting, but trying to stop. What should I be doing in this moment? Should I smile? Yes….maybe I’ll sit here smiling….no wait. That might look a little weird. I don’t want to look happy that my husband is sharing about our marriage problems…maybe I should look a little more somber. I furrowed my brow and adjusted to a more serious look on my face. No this wasn’t right. Now I just look grumpy. I went back to the smile…but a little smaller this time…more pleasant than happy. Oh no… Here comes the worst part! My husbands voice boomed from the stage through the speakers “…And my beautiful wife Pam is here with me tonight sitting right over there!” He points directly at me! All heads turn to look. I feel as though there is a large spotlight beaming down on me. I held my breath.
Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Oh gosh.
I awkwardly throw my hand up and give a little wave. Ahh! What am I doing? I’m not the queen!
Cheeks turn red. Knot in stomach tightens.
I quickly put my hand down. Most people have turned their attention back to the stage.
Well that was awkward again, but I made it through- deep exhale.
My husband is the one most often in the spotlight. I’m more of a behind the scenes kind of girl and that’s the way I like it! My husband is eloquent and charming in front of large crowds. From many years of practice, he feels “at home” on a stage and feels comfortable sharing in front of large crowds. I, on the other hand, feel nauseated and nervous in front of crowds.
I was shocked after the first concert and the first time he shared a little of our story the number of ladies who approached me afterwards. These were ladies I had never met, sharing about their lives and their marriages. They would share about the struggles they were facing and would explain how they just needed someone to talk to. They needed someone they thought would really “get it”. Someone who had experienced something similar. Someone who would look at them with compassion and understanding. They would ask me questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer. Questions about my marriage that were personal. They would ask me questions that I didn’t really know the answer to. They would ask me for advice that I did not have. But most commonly they would express their relief that they were not alone.
The emails and the facebook inbox messages started to come almost immediately as well. As I read each one I started to feel more and more uncomfortable. What have we done? These people think we can help them! They are asking me for advice! And if they really knew…..if they really, really knew, I’d be the LAST person they would ask for help from!
But as I spoke with more woman and read more emails I started to realize that they weren’t looking for my help at all. They knew I wasn’t a psychologist or marriage counsellor. They weren’t interested in titles or a fancy degree.
They wanted to know that the thoughts they’ve had, the angry words they said behind closed doors, the desperation and disappointment they felt – in all of this- they weren’t alone.
My husband and I have talked a lot about it and have agreed to share some of our marriage trials and triumphs under a new “marriage” category on the blog. Our belief is that marriage is one of the most beautiful and scared covenants we can make before each other and before God.
But, we also know that marriage can he HARD!
We believe that God created us in community with each other for a reason. We were intended to do this life together and that life truly is better together. The marriage category on this blog will be a safe place to share with one another and to encourage each other. We will be sharing some of our story and we encourage you to share as well! We are really excited about this new category on the blog and hope that it is an encouragement to you!
Look for our very first “official” marriage post in the coming week! 🙂
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